It's been a year...a long year...

Well, we made it! Been married for one year! Can't say it was easy or it was too hard either. Just a BIG learning experiance and a lot growing up on both of our parts. We are now closer than every before and I love him with no boundries. He is my everything. We're PREGNANT! Saw a fertility specialist since it took so long and knowing I have PCOS felt like it was the right thing to do. Well, it was. I'm now 5.5 months along and I feel physically and emotionally better than I have in a very long time. PCOS really can rule your life and sometimes you can't help it. One thing thought that was has weighed very heavily on my heart is the fact I don't get along with his mother anymore. From the night before my wedding til' now what little relationship we had has dwindled into nothing. I'm almost to the point I feel I hate her... knowing I don't hate anyone. Just anyone who would lie or talk about me behind my back to a young girl is wrong. Throw in personal things about our marraige is absolutely over the line. Granted she doesn't like me but don't fake it to make my husband feel better.. because it doesn't. Anything it's be littling. We asked her to drop the fiasco and not to bring it up til' after the baby is here... that was 3-4 months ago. My husband and I's arguments over it stopped. We are now closer than ever before because actually got to know me and see his family is with me not his mother. Don't get me wrong, I'm not stopping them from talking or seeing each other. That's his own doing I just don't have anything to say to someone like her. A few weeks ago she had the nerve to tell my husband he is materialistic and is on a high horse. Well... She is wrong. He works very hard for what he has and has right to be proud of that. I let that go. Then last night... she wrote him saying we will never let her see our child... WTF where did she get that from?? Making up stuff to have pity on herself is just sad. And saying since out of my first trimester stress won't hurt the baby... BS, it's my body and when I get stressed or worried I unfortunantly get the stomach ache that isn't friendly... catch my drift. So, my child isn't getting the nutrition it needs because I"m "sick"... that effects the baby. She also said she is tired of feeling guilty when she shouldn't... If she feels guilty then obviously she knows she has done something wrong. I just want to enjoy my life with my husband and family and be surrounded by love and happiness. Is that too much to ask for? Tomorrow is our 2nd big ultrasound. It's been 4 weeks since the last and I'm nervous as hell. I'm praying our little GIRL is fine. Yes, it's a girl!! That's another thing that angers me. We didn't tell her something is going on with the pregnancy for the fact she will try to use it against my husband for sympathy. Grr.. I"m just really to the point... I've let go of her immaturity, wrongfulness, and just plain idiotic thinking to where if I see her I do... whatever.. Just, I love the rest of his family. And she is jeoperdizing that. Scared I'll see her tomorrow night at a football game that his brother is playing in.. Think I'm just gonna say "Not tonight, I'm here to enjoy this with my husband"

So.. I am married!!!!

Finally did it. For some reason the whole day I was calm, no one else was. :P I just felt like it really wasn't happening and I was all worried about getting everyone else dressed instead of myself. Wedding ended up starting and hour late. Typical of me, I tend to procrastinate. Lol. It was wonderful. Every thing came together and I couldn't have asked for a more beautiful wedding. I love my family and my new family. Everyone over all seemed to enjoy themselves. During the reception Austin snuck over and played Like a Virgin to make my dad mad at Justin, was rather funny. <3 Austin got me a pearl braclete with my name on one side and saying on the other. "Today is the first day of the rest of our lives. 9-20-2008" So pretty!!!! I have so much to say I don't know where to start really :P I will write more later. :)

Two days before my wedding...

It's two days before my wedding and I'm stressed to the limit. I'm scared things aren't going to go right, his family isn't very supportive that I can and I'm just going nuts. Rawr.

My first blog... here we go..

The past few years of my life have been like the saying "Hell and back". Sometimes I feel like I have literally gone there and been brought back from that horrible place by people I never would have expected to do so. These people I consider angels. I may not tell them that I think this of them, but truly, they are angels. I've finally found someone in my life who really loves me for me. I've thought this before, like most women do, then fall right back into someones trap. The male species plays so many games.. It's horrible, to be honest. This one man that I have found out of the million out there is named Austin, my love. We're getting married this Saturday at the park here in Yukon. I am nervous as hell, but, aren't all brides? Since I have met him, I have been through alot. I was pregnant right off the bat, I had a spider bite that caused my arm to look like I had an orange growing in it, and then off to loosing the baby i wanted to so dearly. To add to all of that, I became heavily depressed again. Something I swore I wouldn't let myself do, but I did. It's so hard to deal with the loss of a child you never got to have. I'm still dealing with it. It's like a day to day thing, it's hard to deal with. Along with that on my mind, his evil ex is not leaving him alone. Calling and threating to say they were common law married. Seriously, how low is that? That to me is so damn childish. It's as if she doesn't want him, but she sure as hell doesn't want anyone else to either. My words to her are Grow The Fuck Up. This is my life, and I will not let her or anyone ruin it.

On the upside of everything, I am marrying the man of my dreams, my best friend. I will have a baby one day soon, I pray. Everything will work out for the best!